Cracking the Confidence Code- Part 2
Updated: Nov 7, 2021
My last blog, I talked about my story regarding confidence and how I had this perception of confidence in others (especially when I looked at my sister, who exemplifies a confident woman- and always has- to me) and my struggle to love the woman I am.
And while I am 100% positive that my last blog was entertaining and gave you all the most valuable information ever and was absolutely life changing...okay, I may be stretching a little there...I want to provide you with a Part 2 of the Cracking the Confidence Code, AKA "The Seven Easy Ways to Build Your Confidence!"
So here we go!
#1- Be a Pollyanna
In other words, every day, find something to be grateful for. There has been many studies based on the effects gratitude has on the brain, human interactions, and of course, overall well-being. Did you know people who are generally more grateful showed greater neural sensitivity in the medial prefrontal cortex when their brain was scanned? By the way, the prefrontal cortex has many functions, such as planning, paying attention, oh, and dealing with emotions, just to name a few!
So, I'm sure I'm dating myself to even post this picture of Disney's Pollyanna. But the story here is that she found something to be grateful for in everything she could. As a life and confidence coach, I have clients keep track of a gratitude journal with specific daily prompts. At the end of three months, it is amazing to see and feel the difference.
I'd like to encourage you to be Pollyanna. Find THREE things DAILY you are Grateful for. Try it first for just a week. Then a month. Then three months. Soon, it will become a habit.
And this habit helps cultivate confidence in you because your brain has literally changed and you've become happier!
#2.- Give more than you Get
"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." Proverbs 16:24 ESV
Give compliments. Be authentic and from the heart, look someone in the eye, and praise them. Not only will it make them feel wonderful, but guess what? It will make you feel all the feels as well. Don't be afraid to tell that co-worker she is doing an amazing job and you appreciate her hard-work when you know she's tired. Let that new mom at church know her hair looks fabulous and she's rocking the mom life (and you KNOW she's tired!!!) And if you see a lady who is wearing a killer pair of kick-butt shoes. for pete sake's, tell her she's got great taste!
But don't stop there! You know that lady that stares back in the mirror at you? Be authentic and from the heart, look that woman in the eye, and PRAISE HER TOO! That's right. COMPLIMENT YOURSELF TOO. I promise she's going to smile back at you. And that's a real confidence builder!
#3.- Have a PMA- Positive Mental Attitude
I think by now we have all heard about Growth Mindsets. A growth mindset is shifting our perspective which will help foster confidence in knowing that anything can be learned with the right amount of effort. When I hear someone say, "I can't do that." I ALWAYS add "YET" to the sentence for them. I love to see their surprise when they look at me and say "What?" I repeat, "You can't do that YET. Don't worry, with a little time and effort, it will be easy peasy! You got this!" A Positive Mental Attitude goes hand in hand with what I have listed above. And you'll find they start to blend together the more confident you feel!
#4.- Be a Lifelong Learner
Did you know I'm a teacher? Yes, that is my actual day job. So, life-long learning is what I preach DAILY to high school students. However, as adults, sometimes we forget how exciting it is to learn a new skill or feeling of completing a challenge! You may also not know the science behind it either. We NEED to learn new things (as well as be active and move- more on that in later blogs) so these amazing little finger, tree-like things in your brain called DENDRITES can grow! These amazing little things are responsible for carrying information and memory function. We can keep them strong by continuing to use our brain when learning new things or challenging our brain playing complex games like chess, or physical activities that crosses our midline.
I feel like sometimes my husband has a hard time keeping track of all the new things I learn and get involved with. But I say, The More you Know, The More Dendrites you Grow!
And what else grows? That's right, you got it! You're confidence!
#5.- Remove Yourself When Needed
This one is going to get a little deep. Today I had a conversation with one of my high school students who was sharing with me an issue she was having with one of her friends. She was explaining it had gotten to the point where she needed to step back from her friendship with her very close friend because she realized the friendship was bringing her down and was toxic. And here is one of those hard lessons in life: Sometimes your best friends are not the BEST friend for you.
I, myself, have had to come to this realization several times throughout my life. It is so very hard to remove yourself from situations that you feel you belong in. It takes a lot of strength and courage to remove yourself and to realize when you need to rise up, away from people or things that are stealing your confidence, your happiness, or your self worth. And I will tell you, often, and especially true in friendships in women, other women may not intentionally be trying to hurt you and may not have yet realized they, themselves, are hurting. I always trying to remember the old saying "hurt people hurt people." So, removing yourself when needed is necessary. You are able to breathe, grow, and reassess. And if that relationship is one that is meant to be, it will survive once you've had the opportunity to grow and thrive. Confidence has a way of allowing the right words to enter your heart at the right time, believe me.
#. 6- BE YOU
I said it in my last blog post, but I just have to say it again...BE YOU. There is no one else who can be you better than you! "Today you are you, that is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" - Dr. Suess Remember that I had told you I had even
compared myself to Francie, my sister? My younger sister?! My younger sister whom I KNOW looks up to me???!!! Not in the "why am I not thinner like her" type comparison, because we do have different bone structures (which I don't compare) but the "why does she not care what people think and I do?!") Again, that was my PERSPECTIVE. My story I made up. Once I worried about being ME, all the other stuff didn't matter.
Another way that actually really helped me BE ME was accepting an invite to join this online group of women on Facebook. Francie actually invited me, and I had mentioned it in the last blog post (go back and read) and in the online group, women of all shapes, sizes, ages, backgrounds, and stories share their experiences and photos, and it truly empowers you to love yourself no matter what. To be proud of the body you are in. Some women don't get the gift of using their bodies anymore. So love the body you have. Love the woman you are. And that leads me to my FINAL WAY TO BUILD CONFIDENCE...
#7. Remember- We are Made in the Image of God
On my very worst days, I remember, God does not make mistakes.
Read that again. GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES. And HE did not make a mistake when HE made you. HE made you in the image of HIM. And we are all made in the image of HIM. And, HE is Perfect. Which means...you, my friend, YOU ARE PERFECT just the way you are!
If You'd like to listen to a beautiful song, please listen to "Made in the Image God" by We are Messengers. I love to incorporate music that speaks to me. This version features Vince Gill and is the acoustic version.
So there you have it, TheSisterhoodCoaching's Seven Easy Ways to Build Your Confidence...or Cracking the Confidence Code- Part 2!
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And, as always, if you would like to work with TheSisterhoodCoaching, please contact us today!